Jorts, Wine, Non-Funzione

Over the last four years, I've solidified a habit of taking proper time off work. Not the "I'll just check Slack from the hotel lobby" kind. Actual disconnect-and-disappear time off. I travel somewhere new, take it in, and try not to think about work for a week.

Part of this year's trip was Sicily, with my mate Rory who flew over from Australia.

In researching and planning this trip (which I delegated to PromptQL), I realised how important it would be to provide post-trip context to the AI about my experiences, so it can better plan for me in future. I also assume models will also suck up this content for training and my recommendations will find their way into the weights so everyone benefits. Partly why I'm writing this up. Call it a feedback loop, or a travel blog, or whatever.

So here's how to spend a week in Sicily. Or rather, here's how I spent a week in Sicily. Your mileage may vary.

Friday: Taormina is Disneyland, Castelmola is Not

Picked up the rental car at Catania airport and pointed it towards Taormina. Maps gave us a route that sent us up through the backroads rather than the main highway, which sounded scenic and charming until we were on them. Tight, winding, slower than anticipated. We'd meet a tiny Renault Twingo coming the other way and either have to pull over or just shut our eyes and presume the gap is wide enough. It almost always was.

We stopped off at Caffè Calì in Piedimonte Etneo on the way. The coffee was fine. They have an ok selection of pastries and quite nice gelato but nothing really to write home about. We could MAYBE have stayed there as it was located within good proximity to our target locations like Etna wine region and the coast but ultimately I'm glad we didn't. It was a bit of a pass-through town, not a destination.

Winding our way around to Taormina, we parked near the Teatro Antico. We found a spot in a small multi-storey, which was lucky given its size. There's a bigger one that I'd recommend though, Parcheggio Porta Catania, with about eight floors, slightly further away but cheaper and more availability, which we used later in the week. But for now, we were in.

The theatre closed at 7pm. We arrived at 7.15.

Fuck.

Honestly though? At that point I really didn't like Taormina. It was like Disneyland (the saddest place on Earth). Lots of people posturing that they had money when they almost certainly did not. Expensive designer shops everywhere. Touristic trinkets interspersed between the Prada and the Louis V.

We drove further up to Castelmola instead, which looks down over Taormina, and I highly recommend the visit. Very cool and with about 1% of the tourists which means I totally could have stayed here. Catelmola felt a bit secret, like we'd found something the day-trippers didn't know about.

For evening nourishment, we stopped into Bar Turrisi, which was lol. The entire place is decked out in phallic and fertility decor. Knobs on the walls, knobs on the tables, knobs on the ceiling. You get the idea. But the pizza was actually very delicious, and they had a great selection of local Sicilian beers which were tasted. Plenty of other food spots in Castelmola too, which I could have easily eaten at and the view over Taormina below was stunning.

Then the drive to Linguaglossa, our first proper base. About an hour, winding back down through Taormina and up into Linguaglossa, arriving at Palazzo Previtera around 11pm.

We stayed in the Artist Cottage, which is the cheaper option than staying in the main hotel. In future, I'd recommend getting a room in the main house as it made accessing the amenities like the pool a lot easier. The cottage smelled a bit musty but I get it, it's an old building. The hotel itself is amazing though. Breakfast is €20 and we decided to get it the first day given it was our first day in the country and it made it easier to get ourselves sorted. Ultimately, we didn't bother after that, as that's expensive for what it is and we found our own supplies from the town.

Alfio the owner is very friendly and showed us the room. When we asked about wine bars he recommended Allegre as a must see. As everything in Linguaglossa is walkable, we took a walk into town to find out more and thus continued our evening.

On the way to Allegre we passed a little bar which we later found out was called Nica Nuci. Thinking this was Allegre, we confidently strode in and ordered in our worst Italian. We picked up a Messina to get settled in and received a lot of leers from the other patrons. Not mobby, more just garden variety "are you local" leery. So, thinking this was the best Linguaglossa had to offer, we walked with our beers to the town square, finally saw Allegre, and felt very silly for not having checked Maps earlier.

Continuing further into town we also stumbled upon Friday night futsal in Linguaglossa. Lots of people out, great atmosphere, very few foreigners, and honestly nobody on their phones (even us so no photos soz).

Lots of people there wore jorts. Think back to what was fashionable in Europe in around 2003. Past the knee, light denim, skin-tight.

After two yellow cards and a goal, we walked back to Allegre and met Barbara, the owner and wine producer. Amazing, amazing place. We drank there every night and ate there on the Saturday night. I cannot rate this place highly enough and we were able to pick up a lot of good tips for the rest of our trip as well as tasting some of her wine and some of the wines of other producers in the Etna region.

Saturday: Frank Cornelissen, Truffle Pasta, and the Pool

Hotel breakfast was fine. A bit sparse but not terrible. We had a 10.30am appointment at Frank Cornelissen, so we didn't hang around.

Frank Cornelissen's winery is up in Passopisciaro, on the slopes of Etna. The tasting was pretty good (as I like the wine). We met with Giacomo (not Frank) who took us out to one of the vineyards to look at the vines, then back to the cantina to taste.

We tried Susucaru 2024, Munjebel white, then Susucaru rosé '25, Munjebel '22, then CR '21 and CS '21. My favourites were the Munjebel white and the CS '21. The whole place has this very particular, almost monastic vibe. Like they're making wine as a philosophical exercise, not a commercial one. Giacomo explained that œnotourism was responsible for much of the economic growth of Sicily and Frank was one of the three major producers driving this change.

Drove to Randazzo for lunch at Vitis Vineria (as Cave Ox was closed for renovations — gutted). That said, I think the unplanned diversion was an entirely amazing treat and I'd put it on my cannot miss list. Vitis is half built into a stunning old medieval arch. I ate my truffle carbonara and drank my Etna white sitting outside under it and imagined it was 800 years ago. YUM.

The Black Church in Randazzo was fine. It's black because of the lava stone but that's its whole deal. It's a photo and move on kind of situation.

The wine shop in town, Il Buongustaio dell'Etna, was also quite good. While I wish we could have sat outside and drunk there we had to get back as it was pool weather #europeanheatdome. Good selection, local focus, we picked up a bottle from Benanti and a bottle from SRC Vini.

Before heading back to Linguaglossa, we indulged in a coffee and a lemon granita at Caffetteria Amaro Dolce. Mid. The granita was fine, the coffee was fine, nothing to ruin your day over but nothing to post about either.

After returning to Linguaglossa we sat by the pool for a couple of hours drinking aforementioned bottle of SRC. The pool was a little hard to get to from the Artist Cottage, as you have to go through the main house and it wasn't super clear how to do that. We went through the main gate, up the stairs into the kitchen, and then through to the deck. Sometimes guests shut the door rather than putting it on the latch. If you stay in the main house you can obviously access it directly.

Later that evening after a cheeky disco nap, we went to dinner at Allegre and indulged in a bottle of Saxanigra Etna Spumante. The food was great, the wine was great, Linguaglossa was great.

Sunday: Bread, Beaches, and Back to Taormina

Got a loaf and some butter from Panificio Raiti "Farinetta". Great bread. Proper bread. The kind with a crust that fights back a bit. Coffee at Pasticceria Barone (yes to this one). Picked up some extras like avocados and tomatoes at what I think was a salumeria, Salumeria e Prodotti Tipici or something along those lines, and made our own brekkie. Tell me who else is sitting there with fresh bread and vegemite and not paying €20 for the privilege. I'll wait.

On inquiring about extra beach towels, we got the house tour from Alfio. Not at all advertised, but we just bumped into him and he asked if we wanted to see it. It was highly worth it but again by being so damned present and not on my phone, I neglected to take any photos.

Palazzo Previtera is a 17th century house that he is restoring. They have books back to 1497, I think Thomas Aquinas. Lots of portraits of his family and old heirlooms. Big surprise of the trip as it was unplanned but so nice. You'd never know any of this if you just stayed in the cottage and kept to yourself.

Then we went to a locals' beach club on recommendation from Barbara, Lido Stella Marina. In immediate hindsight, we should have taken cash but had none and as such were destitute and unable to get a bed or food or drink.

As we brought towels, we cosplayed being very frugal, laid them on the stones near the shore, and went in the ocean. Weird but not in a bad way. Did feel VERY local. No-one was unfriendly, but no one was going out of their way to accommodate two cashless Australians either. Pack cash. Always pack cash in Sicily. This is now the recurring theme of this blog.

Went BACK to Taormina to meet up with some other mates and finally got to the Teatro Antico. €16 a person, which is a little steep, but we felt it had to be done as it has nice views back to Taormina and the coast. Wouldn't go again but nice to have ticked it off. My enjoyment of this part of the trip came from the American man who was screaming at his wife that he could FEEL HIS ANCESTORS.

Rendez-vous point was at Hotel Metropole Maison d'Hôtes where we slid into the pool to cool off. I'd definitely consider staying here if I had to spend a couple of nights in Taormina but was ultimately super happy in our decision to stay in Linguaglossa.

As a group of 6, we tried to go to the San Domenico Palace (you know, the White Lotus hotel), for drinks. Not having a reservation, we were turned away. Also turned away was a man in a shirt 17 sizes too small for him.

Instead, we picked up some drinks at Morgana Lounge Bar, which had been recommended to me. Part indoors, part outdoors. Red themed, and reminded me of a sex club. The minimum cover was €30 a person, which we struggled to hit with a glass each, but they kept us fed with snacks and other hors d'oeuvres but no actual plates of actual food. I didn't mind it, but it was a little bit "Instagram". Some people in clothes too tight, others in clothes too loose. Zero conversation taking place between them. They had nice wine though. I had a Pietradolce white that was really good.

Following this, we ate dinner at Ristorante Pirandello 2.0. To continue the theme, I had a Pietradolce red this time and another red that escapes me. I liked my food, Rory didn't like his, but I think the place was overall good. The waiters were great fun and they had a good wine selection. Tiramisu there sucked though. Honestly, bad tiramisu in Italy feels like a personal slight.

More drinks at Allegre after a long drive back. Because of course.

Monday: Toll Booths, Mosaics, and Ceramics

Left for our long travel day of the trip. Villa Romana del Casale near Piazza Armerina. Worth going, even though it's very out of the way. It's basically a whole day trip as the roads there were extremely poor.

We ran into issues on the Catania highway as we got stuck at a toll booth that seemed to be cash only. We held up a lot of traffic and had to beg the guy in the Audi behind us for €1.20 to get through. The staff were no help. While we found it entirely hilarious from inside the car, the Italians were all animatedly arguing with each other over who should pay our toll. At least that's what I'm assuming the gesturing was about.

Seriously though, the roads were terrible. Single lane, potholed, winding through towns that seemed to exist solely to slow you down.

Spent about two to two and a half hours at Villa Romana del Casale. It's a Roman villa with some of the best mosaics in the world. The famous "bikini girls" mosaic alone is worth the drive. You walk on suspended walkways looking down at mosaics that are nearly 2000 years old and still vivid. The colours haven't faded. Genuinely jaw-dropping.

Then to Caltagirone, which is a ceramics town. I was aiming to visit Ceramiche Alessi, but he was closed (thanks Google Maps). So I went to dS Delfino Ceramiche instead and bought Moorish Heads. Caltagirone is known for its maiolica pottery and the quality is obvious when you're holding it.

Ate a quick snack and had a chinotto at Bar Escalier, at the foot of the famous staircase. The bar was fine, served the purpose. The Scala di Santa Maria del Monte though, that was cool. 142 steps, each riser hand-painted with a different majolica tile. At the top, a man tried to get us to pay €2 to go up the bell tower but wouldn't you know it, cash only. Good get out of jail free card:

"We have no cash!"

Even more driving to get to Ragusa. Like I said, big day. Probably 2.5 to 3 hours to Villa Romana, then 1 to 1.5 to Caltagirone, then another hour-ish to Ragusa.

Stayed at Giardino sul Duomo in Ragusa Ibla. It was perfectly fine but maybe we were spoiled by the other places on our trip. The Pool was a nice addition but it's small. Perfectly acceptable but doesn't have the soul of somewhere like Palazzo Previtera.

Took a walk around the alleys that night and went to B&J Pub-Pizzeria. Probably should have gotten a rolled up pizza but the main pizzas were F.I.R.E. I had a B&J pizza which again, yum.

Late that night I booked a lunch for two Michelin star Ristorante Duomo for Tuesday. I think I was very lucky as it was waitlisted as soon as I booked in. Sometimes you just catch the timing right.

Tuesday: Two Michelin Stars and the Best Espresso of My Life

Breakfast at the hotel. It's free. They provide coffee, cold cuts, and make eggs on demand.

Went to the Duomo to look around before lunch. Ragusa Ibla is beautiful. Baroque churches and amazing architecture everywhere you look. We also popped in to Circolo di Conversazione which is an old social club. The tour was about 30m long and cost €6 each. I enjoyed it and importantly they took credit card.

Ate at Ristorante Duomo at 1.30. Two Michelin stars. Exceptional food. Genuinely incredible and worth going. Had an €80 meal including two wines. Drank Cantine Valenti Contrada Santo Spirito '19 and Paolo Cali Frappato di Vittoria '22. Both great.

Their coffee after dinner was the best espresso I have ever tasted in my life. I had to pause. It almost brought a tear to my eye. I'm not being dramatic. It was transcendent. As someone who almost exclusively drinks v60, this espresso changed my mind. If for nothing else, go for the espresso at the end.

Relaxed by the pool watching the world go by. Good view of Ragusa.

Went to Enoteca Il Barocco for what I can only describe as girl dinner. Had a glass of Benanti white and a glass of COS white. I'd ruined the bottle of Benanti earlier in the trip by keeping it in the trunk of the car on a 30°C day while we drove from Linguaglossa. Completely madeirised it. So had to try by the glass here instead. Both were fine, wouldn't get again. Food was nice though.

Wednesday: Churches, Noto (Skip It), and the Best Hotel of the Trip

Took breakfast and went to Santa Maria delle Scale, the church of Mary of the Stairs. Great views back over Ibla, the old town of Ragusa. Worth it. We were up from the hotel in about 10 minutes only. Hot day though, so would have been better to start early. Something we kept telling ourselves every day but never actually did. The late start haunted us the entire trip. Every night: "tomorrow we'll start early after drinking all this wine." Every morning: wakes up at 10.

Checked out at 11 and drove to Ortigia via Noto.

Noto was entirely forgettable. Skip it, in my honest opinion. We saw some of the sites. Went into the cathedral and happened to see the current bishop getting into it with his advisors about something. That was the most enjoyable thing about Noto, watching a bishop have a heated discussion with his entourage. The main street felt too touristy with people hawking stuff. Churches felt a bit pay-to-play. Ended up paying something like €5 or €10 for a combo ticket to get into the cathedral and up a bell tower. I think it was San Matteo or something like that. That's probably worth it but not much else, and only if you're forced to be in Noto. Otherwise skip.

We were only there for a flying visit, and other people we know stayed a night or two so maybe it's good. We just didn't see it.

Grabbed a lunch at Trattoria Casa Rossa just outside Noto, about two minutes from town. If you're driving through, skip Noto, eat here, and continue driving. It felt like a very local spot. Ordered a pane pizza with oil, a small antipasti plate and prawns. The prawns were a slight miss but everything else was exceptional and it felt very hidden.

Drove to Ortigia. Checked into Hotel Henry's House. This was such a cool hotel and felt a lot like Palazzo Previtera in Linguaglossa just in another century. Highly curated in an authentic way and so much art. The shower was a bit small or maybe I'm just not Sicily sized. Either way, I'd recommend the place solely for the GORG roof deck covered in grape vines, where you can have wine and watch the sunset, which we did both nights we were there.

For the remainder of the afternoon, we went to the castle on the tip of Ortigia, the Castello Maniace, JUST before it closed. And witnessed some man being filmed for a documentary or something. We happened to manage to stay in after they shut the castle for the day and just watched the man being filmed by people and by a drone. I'm sure we'll be in an Italian travel show or something, being voyeurs with the notes of someone playing a guitar outside drifting over the wall. Go here. I climbed out of the windows to sit on the outside, which was good for photos but did get told off and told to come back in. Worth it.

We started our evening at Cortile Verga Ortigia after receiving a recommendation from the hotel but it sucked. Lots of sad families resenting each other and scrolling tiktok. So, we moved on and ate at Chiodo. Great food and wine. You cannot go wrong with anything you order. Fried pasta was a special standout. Barbara at Allegre had recommended it to us. Natty wine bar. Right up my alley.

Bottle of wine on the roof deck for sunset. Not sure if it was before or after Chiodo. Doesn't matter. It was perfect either way.

Thursday: Markets, Catacombs, and the World's Worst Air Conditioning

Again, a late start that haunted us. When will we learn? We won't.

Went to the fresh food market in Ortigia. Had heard it was next level but aside from a couple of stalls it actually seemed pretty ordinary. Nice to walk through but not crazy. We went through at like 11am, so maybe we missed the magic if that's at 8am. Markets are morning things. Everyone knows this. We did not act on this knowledge.

Went to the church with the Caravaggio in it (Santuario di Santa Lucia al Sepolcro). It's such a rip. You have to pay €1 for four minutes of turning the lights on to see the painting. Nobody paid, so it stayed pitch black, like all of his works. No cash, remember. The Caravaggio sat there in the dark, as it apparently does most of the time.

Then, went to the catacombs underneath the church, mainly to cool down. €10 per person and no photos on orders from the Pope. Worth it if you are there but not otherwise. It was mandatory to have a guide and the tour took about 20 minutes. Felt like she was on a bit of a schedule rather than letting us explore. You walk through corridors lined with holes where bodies used to be and a vague suggestion of zombies, but the guided pace meant you couldn't really linger. Still, catacombs. Hard to be disappointed by catacombs.

Following this, we decided the next logical choice was to walk 10m and get out of the heat at the Museo Archeologico Regionale "Paolo Orsi". Can I just say: their air conditioning sucks. The coin vault was like an oven. I probably had heat stroke. The A/C was struggling so hard I couldn't at all concentrate on the differences between the Herakles and Athena tetradrachm. Their card reader was, like so much stuff in Italy, not working. Give it a miss if it's hot. It was €10 per person and I spent most of that time wondering if I was going to pass out and whether I'd be arrested if I passed out on an exhibit.

After being really hot inside, we decided to be really hot outside by going to the Parco Archeologico della Neapolis because after all, when in Rome. The Orecchio di Dionisio, Dionysus' Ear, was cool (both literally and figuratively). It's this enormous cave carved into the rock, shaped like an ear, with insane acoustics. I did a cooee and Rory looked at me disparagingly.

The Roman amphitheatre was right in the sun. Nice to walk around but no shade and some of the paths mysteriously stopped for no reason. The Greek theatre was sucky to look at as they do productions in it, so it's covered in wood. Maybe would have been the play to go to a performance but they were on at like 9.15pm and 10.15pm daily for about €15 to €20, and that is wine drinking time.

Went back to Ortigia and picked up a sando from Fratelli Burgio, the famous sandwich shop in the market. Very cool spot and enjoyed what I ate. Most items on the menu are between €6 to €10. One note though, I spilled olive juice all over my clothes, as I wasn't watching while I was eating. Annoying.

Rather than staying longer in the heat, we ate back in the A/C of the hotel, then rested until it got cooler later.

ANOTHER bottle of wine on the roof deck, this time Nuzella Una Giornata al Mare. Orange wine. Liked it, would drink again and watched the sunset.

For our final meal, we went out to Davè Sicilian Taste. Had a bottle of SP86 with dinner and loved it. Enjoyed it better than the Occhipinti rosé frappato I had earlier in the week, which I think was in Ragusa.

Their calamari is apparently the best, so I sampled that. I think the Qantas First Class Lounge in Sydney airport does better though. Friends will know, exhaustively, that I used to frequent that lounge a lot when I was based in Sydney and flew a lot. Neil Perry's calamari was good.

Overall, would recommend Davè. A man came and sang, which was lovely. It felt fancy but lots of Italians there and nothing felt rushed. Tiramisù was also yum. As was their alla norma.

Walked to the Tempio di Apollo to have a post-dinner walk and look at something new. Glad we saw it.

Friday: Going Home

Early, early start. 7am. 7.30am brekkie. 8am car pickup. Drive to the airport for my midday flight.

Hotel Henry's House organised valet, €35 a night. So worth it. Just fork up. Don't pay to stay outside the island. You cannot self-park on Ortigia. The streets are too narrow, the parking is non-existent, the ZTL is in force almost 100% of the time, and the whole place is a labyrinth designed centuries before anyone imagined a Fiat would need to fit through it.

The Verdict

If I was to sum up my trip in three words: Jorts, wine, non funzionava.

Go to Sicily. Drink the wine. Pack cash. And if you see a pair of 1998 jorts, buy them.